Family Life in SFG

[18DWife]

Independent <---- very important

Understanding the Team Needs him more than she does,(especially while deployed/training ) (my belief)

I think it helps if she understands your job completely /what SF Means .

I have met many wives who have no idea what their husbands job is ,the mission in general ,they act like what ever about it ...that is amazing to me .

[The Reaper]

Originally Posted by Tyzoone

Hey all,

QP's, would you say there are numerous coinciding characteristics among the wives who can handle the SF life?

For those of us married men aspiring to SF; how do we determine if our wives can handle the lifestyle? I only ask because I know my wife is a tough girl and could handle it. However she is having trouble seeing this in herself.

A good search here would reveal numerous threads on this topic.

Have you searched and read them yet before asking?

TR

[Dragbag036]

My wife and I have been married for 20 years. I met my wife in Germany. We only knew each other for a few months before the Desert and both felt as though we knew each other for years. When I decided I wanted to be with Professional Soldiers, the house kind of went into a hurricane. Now I loved my wife very much, but explained to her that I would continue to take care of her and the kids whatever she decided (stay with me, or go home). She felt that I would be gone even more than than I was while in the Infantry in Germany. After some education on the part of the recruiter and the fact that I brought home a calendar for the next 6 months, having me gone 5, she said it can not be any worse and apologized for the attitude and said will stand behind me whatever it takes. If you ask her, she wouldn't change it for the world. we both agree its the best damn thing we ever did. I have told many a soldier "If you can't be 95% of who you are at work with your guys, maybe she is not the one for you" My wife knows this, hell she is shaking her head up and down as I type. I started my education of being a Professional Soldier 13 years ago, and I am still learning, while she grows with me.

D
my .000002 cents

[NQND]

Getting married. Date is September 25th. I have a 18x contract for afterward. Not the easiest path I know. But sometimes we are called to certain tasks. I just happened to be called to both the noble profession of a soldier, and that of a husband at the same time. My parents did it. Both my sister and I were born at Womack when my pops was in the 82nd. Guess its gonna be a bit of a homecomin'.

[Ewok]

Originally Posted by 18DWife

Most the time you are a single parent that is just the way it is like it or not ....with the life comes some privileges and some hard ships .

A wife should understand her husband's job ,and understand the team comes before anything else . BE PROUD OF IT . His commitment to his team and his job is part of who he is .....

Support him in every way possible .

I was married to my husband only a couple months when he started the Q .I did everything I could to learn about the life ,the job ,and so forth .I just happen to be a woman who loves it ,and would be doing it if I was a man .

I was also a single parent 6 yrs before we married ,so I was used to being a lone .
A woman should be able to take care of herself ,be independent ,resourceful ,and 10000% understanding .

That is my opinion ,my out look . I rarely meet anyone that is on the same page with me honestly (wives) I guess I am just weird .

Thank you for this 18DWife! I am on this site for the exact purpose of educating myself as to what my husband plans to do, so I can be as understanding and supportive as possible.

[Dozer523]

Originally Posted by Tyzoone

Hey all,

QP's, would you say there are numerous coinciding characteristics among the wives who can handle the SF life?

For those of us married men aspiring to SF; how do we determine if our wives can handle the lifestyle? I only ask because I know my wife is a tough girl and could handle it. However she is having trouble seeing this in herself.

Your profile mentions a baby due in September. I image you on your knees pleading with her to support your SF dream but it must be hard to see her sweet face over that tummy she's sporting.
Giving birth to a child and selection have a lot in common. (Effort, pain, devotion, long-term commitment . . . shush ladies I'm navigating at night here. . . )

Your Reason For Living may be reluctant to support your dream right now because she is in the middle of Phase One of her/your dream. Are you as "there for" her -- right now -- as you are asking her to be" there for" you once you enter the pipeline?
Can you see how she might not quite see it that way as she tries to see your point over her swollen tummy?

Timing is a big part of life. It might be that now is not your time for SF. You may want to reconsider your family schedule. Baby now, SFAS in 3 years.

[greenberetTFS]

Originally Posted by Dozer523

Your profile mentions a baby due in September. I image you on your knees pleading with her to support your SF dream but it must be hard to see her sweet face over that tummy she's sporting.
Giving birth to a child and selection have a lot in common. (Effort, pain, devotion, long-term commitment . . . shush ladies I'm navigating at night here. . . )

Your Reason For Living may be reluctant to support your dream right now because she is in the middle of Phase One of her/your dream. Are you as "there for" her -- right now -- as you are asking her to be" there for" you once you enter the pipeline?
Can you see how she might not quite see it that way as she tries to see your point over her swollen tummy?

Timing is a big part of life. It might be that now is not your time for SF. You may want to reconsider your family schedule. Baby now, SFAS in 3 years.

Dozer is right on target,makes a lot of sense............ But what also is extremely important is that she and you are totally committed to your marriage..... Equally important is that both of you want you to earn that Green Beret........ Read post #27 so I'm not repeating myself.......... Good luck on your new baby,I've got 4,all born while I was on AD.......... We have 52 years together so far and with God's grace we'll have several more...........De Oppresso Liber.

Big Teddy

[18DWife]

Originally Posted by greenberetTFS

Dozer is right on target,makes a lot of sense............ But what also is extremely important is that she and you are totally committed to your marriage..... Equally important is that both of you want you to earn that Green Beret........ Read post #27 so I'm not repeating myself.......... Good luck on your new baby,I've got 4,all born while I was on AD.......... We have 52 years together so far and with God's grace we'll have several more...........De Oppresso Liber.

Big Teddy

CO SIGN

[HQ6]

Originally Posted by Tyzoone

Hey all,
QP's, would you say there are numerous coinciding characteristics among the wives who can handle the SF life?

Independence
Faithfulness
Low tolerance for whining/BS
Strength
Think outside the box (and for herself)
Multitask
Tough
Adaptive/Resilient
Understanding
It also helps to be married to a great husband

I married my husband while he was in the Q course. We have been through five deployments in five years in addition to TDY, schools, and the other stuff. In that time we have had two kids. I completed two undergrad degrees in 18 months while working full time and pregnant with number two. I am now (thankfully) in my last semester of my graduate program and getting ready to send our oldest off to kindergarten. I am not the exception. Most of the wives I know carry equally crazy schedules.

I love my husband like crazy and don't relish the idea of him being gone all the time. Nevertheless that is part of his job, and we seem to make it work. Good communication even when there is limited communication, solid ground rules, and generally being crazy about each other help. However, there are no hard and fast rules to a successful marriage (SF or otherwise). Situations are different for every marriage, team, company, battalion, and group. No one can tell you how it is going to be, and if they try, they are full of crap.

If you want your wife to get comfortable with the idea, have them spend time around a SF soldier and his wife who have learned to make it work. Let her see that it is possible. I have about three friends who had been resistant to letting their husbands go to selection because they had heard over and over again how horrible group life was on families.... until they met us. Personally, I have no experience with regular Army, but group has been fantastic supporting the family. When a wife needs something, they are on it.

There is my.02 from the wife’s perspective.

[Para]

Originally Posted by Ret10Echo

After a few years it got to the point where my wife would ask "Don't you have a deployment or some trip planned?"

LMAO... I have heard the that exact same phrase come out of HQ6's mouth on more than one occasion.

IMHO SF does not destroy a marriage, it merely spotlights the strengths and weaknesses that exist within the marriage that may remain hidden if you where someplace else. Strong marriages are made stronger and weak ones...well they crash and burn.

[HQ6]

Originally Posted by Para

LMAO... I have heard the that exact same phrase come out of HQ6's mouth on more than one occasion.

If you would stop tearing out walls in the house every time you are home more than a week, then I might not be so eager to get rid of you

I tied my bandana, took my pack from the floor,
You were still sleeping, as I stood at the door,
Once more I was heading to, God only knows where.
That's when it hit me, I was already there.

Why keep on running, just to wish on a star,
Searching for Heaven, when I know where you are.
Life is just empty, when you're walking alone.
So wherever we're going girl, Lord it's good to be at home.

I could ramble, a thousand miles or more,
Never find the light I’ve seen in your eyes before,
You gave me the freedom to go on my own way,
But you gave me much more, you gave me the freedom to stay.

- Waylon Jennings