Family Life in SFG - Page 2

02-23-2010, 11:29

I was married twice. The first, lasted 3.5 yrs. I was gone 30 of those 42 months. She found someone else, the divorce papers were mailed to me while down range.

Had a TM SGT who said, "you should change partners every 5-7 years just to keep things interesting". A good husband/dad, had a bunch of great kids, loves all of 'his' wives, (3 or 4) total. He's currently living in Thailand or Argentina with GF, scheduled to be the next. Kids are all raised, he's mellowed out some.

18DWife · 02-23-2010, 11:40

wow

There really are some good women out there ,that can handle the life ,and be faithful .I mean I am living proof of that .

ReconGaelach · 02-23-2010, 11:42

Thanks for all the good info and advice! Keep it comming!

02-23-2010, 12:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by 18DWife

wow

There really are some good women out there ,that can handle the life ,and be faithful .I mean I am living proof of that .

That's why you're so RARE, good job!

I saw a lot of SF career marriages go the distance, I was not one of them. They either last 36 months or 36 years and beyond.

"Danny" was addicted to women who treated him badly, somewhat co-dependant on drama, he loved drama, actually created it a time or two. It was his way of easing the transitions of deployment. Nothing like leaving one hostile environment for another. Made "Coming Home" interesting. Danny got nervous about going home, wondering what was going to happen, etc?

His father was a cop, tough on the job, but passive and tired at home, just wanted to sit, read, play ball with the kids. His mom only spoke with one voice level, very loud, very over-bearing family matriach.

Scimitar · 02-23-2010, 13:35

Some advice from those in the know...

I was in touch with a retired SF Chaplin for a bit there, his advice...

"Just let her always know that you love her more then the job..."

(You could be rude here and say
"...and make sure she doesn't catch on you're lying")

I like what 18DWife said - This Chaplin put it this way
"She must see SF as her mission as well, if she doesn't she will only see it as something competing for your affections"

Another thing he said was
"Find a woman who understands that marriage isn't designed to solve all her problems and that a marriage is strong when it has a mission to focus on other then itself"

I like the Marriage with a mission way of thinking about it...with the BS Hollyweird culture of "Get married and you've arrived in life" everywhere you look, un-fill-able expectations are running rampant in today’s premarital counseling sessions.

Lastly to quote a wise wise man*
"We had common ground, it helped us stick together, I served SF my way, she served SF her way, her successes where mine and mine hers"

RIP Sir, you wisdom is truly missed...

Scimitar

*Colonel Moroney

02-23-2010, 14:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scimitar

I like what 18DWife said - This Chaplin put it this way
"She must see SF as her mission as well, if she doesn't she will only see it as something competing for your affections"

Sound advice:

Had a retiring LTG tell me, "SF is a mistress. She will show you things you've never seen before, she will do thing to you that have never been done before. She will take you away from the one's you love, she will love you but only selfishly for her own purposes, and in the end, she will leave you for a younger man. Boys, she's all yours, I'm going home."

18DWife · 02-23-2010, 14:28

The Only Mistress I could put up with

My husband says I am more into it than he is ,maybe I am just a tomboy who knows

Hell ,I tattoo half my leg in support of him ,and in Honor of others

**Pete** · 02-23-2010, 15:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by 18DWife

........ Hell ,I tattoo half my leg in support of him ,and in Honor of others

TMI TMI

Now I'll be looking at females in shorts down at the Dogwood Festival looking for the one with tattoos all over one of her legs.

18DWife · 02-23-2010, 15:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pete

TMI TMI

Now I'll be looking at females in shorts down at the Dogwood Festival looking for the one with tattoos all over one of her legs.

Its not to bad

a couple ppl here have seen it ,Its manly in a way ,but I carry it well

kgoerz · 02-23-2010, 16:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark46th

When I was first assigned to group in 1971, the Divorce rate was 97%, surpassed only by SAC with 98%. I hope it has improved...

What happens to couples already married when they get to Group. The Guys hang around guys that are generally educated. If not, they become more worldly. More aware of things that are important. Their wives become less interesting. They basically out grow their wives. They grow while their wives live the same life they had before they got to Group.
Kind of like when one person in the marriage becomes famous. They grow apart. Its not Rocket Science.

rdret1 · 02-23-2010, 19:23

18D Wife has made several good points. My wife and I have been married 29 years. We met when I was still in 2/325 in '81. Like many of the others, she kept a calender. In '83 we had a 1 year old and I was home a total of 45 days, non-consecutively. I started the Q right after we came back from Grenada and it went from there. There were many times being gone much more than being home but we had always communicated. I told her when we met what I did, how often we were gone and that she might not always have any notice. She said she could handle it and did for the next 17 years in the Army and the last 12 in police work. Group was great for her as she and the other wives were as close as we were on the teams. The key is communicating and make her a part of the whole experience.

greenberetTFS · 02-23-2010, 20:16

My wife and I got married pretty young,she 17 and I was 20....... Everyone,and I mean everyone gave us 6 months........We lasted because we were both determined to make it last.......My being gone, she said gave her an opportunity to do things she wanted to do,college etc....... The kids came fast,4 of them at 2 year intervals...... But the key was TRUST,while away on deployments we both had that in each other,and that plus our LOVE got us through........ It's also important that she believes in what it is that you believe in....... The proudest day for "both of us" is when I earned my Green Beret............. It's been 52 years now for us and like Richard, I would do it all over again in a heart beat.........

Big Teddy

mark46th · 02-24-2010, 15:21

Dozer- LMAO!

18DWife · 02-24-2010, 15:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by greenberetTFS

My wife and I got married pretty young,she 17 and I was 20....... Everyone,and I mean everyone gave us 6 months........We lasted because we were both determined to make it last.......My being gone, she said gave her an opportunity to do things she wanted to do,college etc....... The kids came fast,4 of them at 2 year intervals...... But the key was TRUST,while away on deployments we both had that in each other,and that plus our LOVE got us through........ It's also important that she believes in what it is that you believe in....... The proudest day for "both of us" is when I earned my Green Beret............. It's been 51 years now for us and like Richard, I would do it all over again in a heart beat.........

Big Teddy

I am gonna be mushy for a moment ,so I can say that is so sweet <3

Tyzoone · 07-03-2010, 03:25

Hey all,

QP's, would you say there are numerous coinciding characteristics among the wives who can handle the SF life?

For those of us married men aspiring to SF; how do we determine if our wives can handle the lifestyle? I only ask because I know my wife is a tough girl and could handle it. However she is having trouble seeing this in herself.