Family Life in SFG

ReconGaelach · 02-23-2010, 08:56

I did a little searching and could not find anything that specifically answers my question on this topic.

My question is for active duty SF personnel about the quality of family life in SF. My wife is concerned not so much about deployments, but how much time is typically spent at home versus away at schools and training. I'm also curious about the answer to this question. No doubt there are sacrafices that an SF family makes to accomadate the intense op tempo and training, but how much time is there actually left to spend with family on a daily and monthly basis?

My wife is obviously a big part of my life and it is imperative that I have her full support before throwing my hat into the ring. I appreciate your input.

-JH

mark46th · 02-23-2010, 09:12

When I was first assigned to group in 1971, the Divorce rate was 97%, surpassed only by SAC with 98%. I hope it has improved...

Richard · 02-23-2010, 09:26

I can only speak based on my experiences - my wife and I have been married for 35 years - we sat down once and figured the time spent home/away while we were married and I was in the Army - the average was 235 days per year - the longest single deployment being 10 months - a number of times I returned to Fort Bragg for 2-3 weeks and then left again for 60-180 days.

It is what it is and your situation may vary for better or worse.

I would do it all again today.

Richard's $.02

Snaquebite · 02-23-2010, 09:40

Quote:

but how much time is there actually left to spend with family on a daily and monthly basis?

It is what it is. There is no way to predict this or even come up with an average. The Op-Tempo, and too many other factors drive that train. You go where you're told to go, do what you're told to do, for as long as you are required to do so.

When you are at home, you make the most of it because you don't necessarily know when you will be gone again.

Ret10Echo · 02-23-2010, 09:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snaquebite

When you are at home, you make the most of it because you don't necessarily know when you will be gone again.

Took me a couple of deployments to come to the understanding that it was "Momma's House" and the best thing was to minimize the disturbance in the karma when I got home. After a few years it got to the point where my wife would ask "Don't you have a deployment or some trip planned?"

23 years later she still thinks that way.

mark46th · 02-23-2010, 10:22

To his wife, an SF husand is a stranger who shows up every 6 months with a sack of dirty laundry and a hard-on...

Para · 08-19-2010, 02:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ret10Echo

After a few years it got to the point where my wife would ask "Don't you have a deployment or some trip planned?"

LMAO... I have heard the that exact same phrase come out of HQ6's mouth on more than one occasion.

IMHO SF does not destroy a marriage, it merely spotlights the strengths and weaknesses that exist within the marriage that may remain hidden if you where someplace else. Strong marriages are made stronger and weak ones...well they crash and burn.

Dozer523 · 02-23-2010, 10:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark46th

When I was first assigned to group in 1971, the Divorce rate was 97%, surpassed only by SAC with 98%. I hope it has improved...

It has improved. It's at 124% cuz some of us remarried and got divorced again.

Like Richard, My Reason For Living checked off the days apart on the calendar. At the one year mark we counted the "nights apart" and it totaled about 225 IIRC ( There were two overseas deployments, an exercise or two . . . it was the late 80's; you took what you got and were happy for it. We saved time by going to the ranges and staying over. What sucked was to get ranges we often had to accept Saturdays and Sundays. That got old!) My Team Sergeant's wife (Peggy) took great care of her as did the other wives in the Company. They took her under their wing, gave her the "good SF Wife class" and helped her to do her part. It did not hurt that she was young, working, we had no children, her family was 5 hours drive away, we lived in Clarksville, and our neighbors all looked after her while I was away.
Fast forward to when I rejoined the NG after a 10 year break in service. I deployed to Afghanistan (total time away 16 months) MRFL had a job with considerably more responsibility, three kids and a dog, living in So Cal. There was no FRG to speak of, no wives, no family. She just "handled it". (I've been home for almost three years and I'll never have that debt repaid

)

Wives are tough. As long as you keep them in love with you by showing them how much you love them, they do okay.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark46th

To his wife, an SF husand is a stranger who shows up every 6 months with a sack of dirty laundry and a hard-on...

The SECOND thing I'm gonna do when I get home is drop this ruck.

18DWife · 02-23-2010, 10:48

Most the time you are a single parent that is just the way it is like it or not ....with the life comes some privileges and some hard ships .

A wife should understand her husband's job ,and understand the team comes before anything else . BE PROUD OF IT . His commitment to his team and his job is part of who he is .....

Support him in every way possible .

I was married to my husband only a couple months when he started the Q .I did everything I could to learn about the life ,the job ,and so forth .I just happen to be a woman who loves it ,and would be doing it if I was a man

.

I was also a single parent 6 yrs before we married ,so I was used to being a lone .
A woman should be able to take care of herself ,be independent ,resourceful ,and 10000% understanding .

That is my opinion ,my out look . I rarely meet anyone that is on the same page with me honestly (wives) I guess I am just weird .

albeham · 02-23-2010, 10:54

I was married a few time, yep I said it, but I truly feel it was not cause of SF, but do to the young, self-centered, high maintenance, losers, lack of faith, lack of trust, my wife where.

So I picked the ones that would on the first date..so...

No it real maters on the gal you married ...

AL

PS I am not a loser .. just a self pity needy .. man... hold me please ....

suede18 · 02-23-2010, 10:59

So basically if your not married already and have SF hopes dont plan on getting married anytime soon..

Ewok · 07-14-2010, 22:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by 18DWife

Most the time you are a single parent that is just the way it is like it or not ....with the life comes some privileges and some hard ships .

A wife should understand her husband's job ,and understand the team comes before anything else . BE PROUD OF IT . His commitment to his team and his job is part of who he is .....

Support him in every way possible .

I was married to my husband only a couple months when he started the Q .I did everything I could to learn about the life ,the job ,and so forth .I just happen to be a woman who loves it ,and would be doing it if I was a man

.

I was also a single parent 6 yrs before we married ,so I was used to being a lone .
A woman should be able to take care of herself ,be independent ,resourceful ,and 10000% understanding .

That is my opinion ,my out look . I rarely meet anyone that is on the same page with me honestly (wives) I guess I am just weird .

Thank you for this 18DWife! I am on this site for the exact purpose of educating myself as to what my husband plans to do, so I can be as understanding and supportive as possible.

kgoerz · 02-23-2010, 16:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by mark46th

When I was first assigned to group in 1971, the Divorce rate was 97%, surpassed only by SAC with 98%. I hope it has improved...

What happens to couples already married when they get to Group. The Guys hang around guys that are generally educated. If not, they become more worldly. More aware of things that are important. Their wives become less interesting. They basically out grow their wives. They grow while their wives live the same life they had before they got to Group.
Kind of like when one person in the marriage becomes famous. They grow apart. Its not Rocket Science.

rdret1 · 02-23-2010, 19:23

18D Wife has made several good points. My wife and I have been married 29 years. We met when I was still in 2/325 in '81. Like many of the others, she kept a calender. In '83 we had a 1 year old and I was home a total of 45 days, non-consecutively. I started the Q right after we came back from Grenada and it went from there. There were many times being gone much more than being home but we had always communicated. I told her when we met what I did, how often we were gone and that she might not always have any notice. She said she could handle it and did for the next 17 years in the Army and the last 12 in police work. Group was great for her as she and the other wives were as close as we were on the teams. The key is communicating and make her a part of the whole experience.

greenberetTFS · 02-23-2010, 20:16

My wife and I got married pretty young,she 17 and I was 20....... Everyone,and I mean everyone gave us 6 months........We lasted because we were both determined to make it last.......My being gone, she said gave her an opportunity to do things she wanted to do,college etc....... The kids came fast,4 of them at 2 year intervals...... But the key was TRUST,while away on deployments we both had that in each other,and that plus our LOVE got us through........ It's also important that she believes in what it is that you believe in....... The proudest day for "both of us" is when I earned my Green Beret............. It's been 52 years now for us and like Richard, I would do it all over again in a heart beat.........

Big Teddy