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I wold never be the press secretary
However - I would gladly elevate it to a cabinet-level position and become the first "Secretary of the Press"
Head of the newly formed "Department of Press Relations"
I would be responsible for redefining historical events and administering the "truth" to all Americans - as well as the Americants. I would help spread a new inclusive language that helped explain that 2+2 really does equal 5 So that people would FINALLY understand things like "three letters = J.O.B.S" and "two words; MADE.IN.AMERICA"
Then I could explain how Lesko Brandon only has two brain cells and all three of them are fighting for fourth place
Then I'd teach all of you hucksters what common sense guns laws REALLY look like
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Opinions stated in this post are solely those of the author, and in no way reflect the opinions or policies of The Department of Defense, The United States Army, The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, The Screen Actors Guild, The Boy Scouts, The Good, The Bad, or The Ugly. These opinions are provided purely as overly sarcastic social commentary and are not meant to be used for mission planning or navigation.
"Make sure your own mask is secure before assisting others"
-Airplane Safety Briefing
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