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The Business World
Terminology
Contractor A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut, or deal.
Bid A wild assed guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low Bidder A contractor lying awake at night, wondering what was left out of the bid.
Engineer's Estimate The cost of construction in Heaven
Critical Path Method A management technique used to ensure that you lose your shirt on a project, while being under perfect control at all times.
OSHA A Federal program consisting of a protective coating made by half baking a mixture of the following ingredients:
1. Fine Print
2. Red Tape
3. Split Hairs
4. Baloney carefully applied through the use of a double barreled sawed off shotgun.
Strike An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Auditors Highly qualified [Re: "Booksmart"] individual(s) who go onto the battlefield after the war is lost and bayonet the wounded.
Lawyers The "highly anointed" people who go onto the battlefield after the Auditor(s) and then strip the bodies.
Computer Program A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages.
Programming To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head into a brick wall, with fewer opportunities for reward.
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