Originally Posted by GreatfulService
OMFG, you guys f'n crack me up. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really researching my new career or just looking for the next post that makes me almost shit myself laughing. I'm glad there is no "like" option, I'd have FTFSI by now just liking all your smartass remarks - it really is dumbfounding how easily butt hurt many of my peers get at the gentlest swat graciously given by their idols for general stupidity & laziness.
So laughing aside, i'd like to address the issue that has motivated me to waiste your precious time with my ignorant post.
Honestly it f'm keeps me up at night worrying that I won't get selected and I constantly obsess about this. Even when I'm nailing my broad, i find my mind wandering, what will I do if I don't pass the security clearance? What will I do if they fail me in selection (I'll never quit, fucking shoot me, fire me or tell me to go away).
My security clearance is where I think I'm most likely to fuck myself. My credit is shit, I owe the tax man, I have unpaid traffic tix...
and to make matters even worse, like the vast majority of my fellow dumb ASSEtS I have a fb profile, in fact I have 4, and I'm so incredibly dense, that one of these WAS actually listed in my real name for a short while, it even had real pics of me AND I had liked some US Army pages, including the 75 Regiment's page
(can someone please pass the katana now, this humiliation is extreme)
BUT I found this forum and through it I was able to wipe away just a little bit of that stupid from my eyes, just enough so I can make out this big fucking brick wall I just built myself to get in the way of my future, and now I'm looking around for a sledgehammer...
I think I've found one and I'd like the advice of the American Gods who are kind enough to donate their time and wit to idiots like me.
A. I'm changing my name, why the fuck not, I've already selected one of the most common names in America and it only costs about $250 to get the job done here in TX.
B. I'm pricing computer programmers to make me a bit of software which registers and updates bogus FB accounts for me - the idea is I want to create a cloud of bullshit tying my existing internet photos to spurious identities. I was so fucking stupid to like that FB ranger page for about 24 hours (SO stupid, that's tantamount to saying - "I want to be an SF soldier one day!" thus, tying me to our enemies' "usual suspects" database, which they could set up servers to run through data of traffic cams etc to look for face matches of suspected SF candidates. Short of going 'fight club' on FB's server farm (just a joke guys) there is no realistic way for me to undo the existing damage. BUT, I can create a cloud of bullshit to smoke screen it. I've already saved every image of me that I was ever stupid enough to post on any of my FB accounts, I never tag myself fortunately, but now I tag myself everywhere, with the wrong photos of course. Phase 2 (currently in the bidding stage) is the near effortless creation of hundreds, maybe thousands of fake FB identities using those photos, all of these identities will be of peace loving pussies who are afraid to fight. This might be overkill, but I can't help it, I've got an obsessive personality when it comes to something I feel strongly about and there is nothing I want more than my fair chance to earn my place among my heroes.
C. I am considering plastic surgery for a couple reasons. One of which is the PERSEC & my future deployability in clandestine missions (please give me a crack at the PRC) and the other is utility. Unfortunately I'm white, which makes me stick out like a sore thumb in most of the regions of the world where I could be the most use, but I could get my skin dyed, nose widened & learn Pashtu to be a little more useful to my country.
ps.
To my fellow asses, if B is successful I really don't feel yall should re-invent the wheel, I will find a way to distribute said application to you anonymously upon request in PM.
To the Gods whose footsteps I attempt to follow, feel free to rip on me, my skin is think and your humor fucking hilarious.
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