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Funnyman,
For whatever this may be worth to you... I'm pulling for you. I love a good underdog and frankly, in spirit you sound of the stuff that makes up the individuals that are “SF.” It's always the beleaguered written off long shot that makes the biggest contribution through his blood, sweat and tears.
You've got a burning question in your past that burns in your mind like a splinter that will always remain; answer the question.
Remember, hope, and determination is not a course of action. It is an enabler that must be tempered with preparation.
Best of luck!
JLF
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