[QRQ 30]

Application to date my daughter

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.

NAME:________________________________DATE OF BIRTH:___________
HEIGHT:_____________ WEIGHT:______________ I.Q.____________ GPA______________
SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________ __
DRIVERS LICENSE#__________________________________________ ____
BOY SCOUT RANK:_____________________________________________ __
HOME ADDRESS:__________________________________________ ______
CITY/STATE_________________________________________ ZIP_________________
Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? ______ yes? _______ no?
Number of years parents married:_____________________________________
Do you own a van? _________ A truck with oversized tires? __________
A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring?_____ Tattoo?_______________
(IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
(PLEASE FEEL FREE TO USE THE BACK OF THIS APPLICATION TO ANSWER QUESTIONS 8, 9, AND 10)

. Congregation you attend?___________________________________________
How often do you attend?___________________________________________ _
When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends?
(supply phone numbers) ______________________________________________
__________________________________________________ ________________
__________________________________________________ ________________

What do you want to be IF you grow up? ________________________________
__________________________________________________ _______________




ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS
BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.

"If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is __________________________________________________ ________________
"If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________ __________________________________________________ ________________
"The one question I hope this application does not ask me is _________________
__________________________________________________ _______________
D. (Now answer the question you wrote on #C) ______________________________
__________________________________________________ ___________________

E. "When I first meet this girl, the first thing I noticed about her is ______________ __________________________________________________ __________________

(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion.)



I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, AND SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.

___________________________________________
SIGNATURE (that means your name, moron!)



Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (it will only delay the process). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and cement shoes will