The French
 

Here is my offering, there are undoubtedly more!

Subject: Touche'
>
> An elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane and at French
> customs he fumbled for his passport.
>
> "You have been to France before Monsieur?", the customs officer asked
> sarcastically.
>
> The American admitted that he had been to France before.
>
> "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready for
> inspection", snapped the irate official.
>
> The American said that the last time he came to France he did not have
> to show his passport.
>
> "Impossible, old man. You Americans always have to show your
> passports on arrival in France."
>
> The old American gave the Frenchman a long hard look and said, "I
> assure you, that when I came ashore on Omaha Beach in Normandy on
> D-day in 1944, there were no damn Frenchmen anywhere on that beach.
>

Sometimes I think that France itself should be in the Humor section...

...Anyone see the Robin Williams Live on Broadway segment on the French [Phrench]?

I'll try to find the quote, I remember almost crying...

Solid

Tell that to the French special operations forces currently conducting combat operations under U.S. command in southern Afghanistan as part of the C-JSOTF.

I was unaware of this fact, and apologise for generalising in such a way as to demean the undoutably hard and life-threatening work the French are conducting.

Solid

Yeah and how long did it take for them to get there?
They sure as hell didn't start a new base, so guess who they took it from, and if they are being so helpful how come they aren't in Iraq?

One of my favorite lines came from an Englishman who upon hearing someone say that Afghanistan should be nuked -

"As an Englishman I am duty-bound to ask, what about the French?"

Another Offering from a Brit
 

Just in from a friend,


Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.

Eventually, on the seventh day, the Archangel Michael found him
resting.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put life on it. I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing
to different parts of the Earth, "For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot.

Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a small land mass and said "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Britain, the most glorious place on Earth.
There are lakes, rivers, streams, and hills. The people from Britain
are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the wankers I'm putting next to them in France."

CLASSIC.

The unfortunate bit is that the Swedes, Germans, and Normans invaded so many times that those smart, modest Brits are now...
:D
(with worse teeth)

Solid

An officer in the U.S. Naval Reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception afterwards, a French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans only learned Englsh. He asked, "Why is it that we have to speak English at these conferences rather than you speaking
French?"

Without hesitation, the American admiral replied, "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so that you wouldn't have to speak German."


:p

Twice

:D I love this one.

True Story
 

Admiral I know was at a conference, and a French admiral was pontificating.

He said that the only thing America had given the world was Rock and Roll, and Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

The U.S. admiral says that he can think of something else, and the Frog asks what.

He says coolly, "France, twice", gets up, and walks out.

TR