Speaking Slowly
 

These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many, many years.

First guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?"

The second guy speaking very slowly, tells the first guy,

"I.....w...a...s.....a.l..m...o...s..t......m...a. ..r...r...i...e..d"

The first guy says in amazement, "Hey, you've lost your stutter!"

The reply comes,

"Y..e..s,...I....w..e..n..t.....t..o...a.....d..o. .c..t..o..r....a..n.d...h..e......t..o..l..d.....m ..e....t..h..a..t.....i.f...I....s..p..e...a..k
s..l..o..w..l..y.....I....w..o..u..l..d....n..o..t .....s..t..u..t..t..e.r."

The first friend congratulates him and than asks about how he was almost married.

"W..e..l..l,.....m..y.....f..i..a..n..c..e..e....a ..n..d....I....w..e..r..e.....s..i..t..t..i..n..g. ...o..n.....h..e..r....p..o..r..c..h
a..n...d.....t..h..e...d..o..g...w..a..s.....s..c. .r..a..t..c..h..i..n..g....h..i..s....b..a..c..k.. ...s..o.....I.....t..o..l..d....h..e..r.....t..h.. a.t
w...h..e..n.....w..e.....a..r..e.....m..a..r..r..i ..e..d,....s..h..e.....c..a..n......d..o..... t..h..a..t..... f..o..r..... m..e...... a..n..d..... t..h..e..n.. s..h..e....t..h..r..e..w.......t..h..e..... r..i..n..g.....i..n..... m..y.....f..a..c..e."

"Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the first friend.

"W..e..l..l, ...I..... s..p..e..a..k..... s..o..... s..l..o..w..l..y,..... t..h..a..t..... b..y..... t..h..e......t..i...m...e..... s..h..e..... l..o..o..k..e..d .... a..t.....t..h..e...... d..o..g,..... h..e.....w..a..s....... l..i..c..k..i..n..g..... h..i..s.....b..a..l..l..s."

Viagra.....
 

80 year old guy watches his friend walk up to him.
1st guy: Hey, Jim! Dude....you look great! Man, you've got glide in your stride, spring in your step, and a twinkle in your eye. What have you been doing for yourself?

2nd guy: Thanks Bob. I've been taking Viagra.

1st guy: Viagra. No shit! Say...can you get that over the counter?

2nd guy: Yea...if I use both hands!